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Missing My Mom

Today is my Mother’s birthday.

She lives in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada. I live in Gilbertsville, Pennsylvania, USA.  According to Mapquest it would take 33 hours  and 25 minutes to drive to her house. She is 2058.21 miles away.  It would cost four hundred and eighty-six dollars and two cents to drive there.

Once upon a time I lived in the same house as my mother.  I woke up and walked down the hall past her bedroom and went into the kitchen and had a bowl of shredded wheat and half an orange for breakfast.  She was there in the morning when I walked to high school, and she was there when I walked home from high school.  She was there when I drove eight hours away to college, and she was there when I came home to visit.  She was there when I married. She has been there for me through miscarriages, and babies and sadness and joy and rage and despair and rain and sunshine.

If my life is a circle, my mother is the center, the focus.  I am safe to walk away from the center knowing that my mother loves me.  It was easy for me to hitchhike through Israel,  live on a Kibbutz and   fly to Japan on a one way ticket to Bangkok.  Well, not really easy, but I wasn’t scared to have an adventure.  I knew I could come home again.

Now when I wake up in the morning I walk past the bedrooms of my children.  I walk downstairs to the kitchen and eat a hard-boiled egg and half an orange for breakfast.    I have my own home.  I have a husband and children to take care of.  I will be the center of a circle for my children, the focus.  They can leave the house and have adventures, and I will be here for them when they come home.  One day, I will see them every few years, and they will have their own circles.  They will be the focus for their children.

Mom,

Look at the moon tonight at 8:00 o’clock your time, and I will look at the moon at the same time.  I will blow you a kiss, and sing Happy Birthday to you.  Close your eyes and listen.  You will hear me.

I love you.

About Pamela Hodges

My name is Pamela Hodges. I am a writer and an artist. I write to encourage and to bring laughter. I paint cats, draw cartoons and write books for children and grown ups.

You are an artist. Yes, you are. Really.

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Get the FREE illustrated, sort of a comic book, “You Are An Artist.” Believe in yourself and your ability to draw. xo Pamela

  • Kathy Storrie

    Dear Pamela,

    Your mom’s picture is pretty. You look like her.Your mom is a great source of your strength. I am very sorry about your miscarriages. I never had one but I did have to wait 20 yrs. to get pregnant. He is 20 yrs. old now and such a joy.

  • Christa Sterken

    This made me teary, love it

  • Pamela,
    I’m a tribewriter and came over to check out your blog. I loved your post. It is a sensitive piece. I also like how life is cyclical and you talked about how your mom was your center, you are the center for your family and you have taught your daughter to be the center of her family. I lost my mom when I was only 16 and it changed my life. Loved how you started your story with the exact amount of money you would need to visit your mom. Very tender Pamela.

    • pamelahodges

      Anne,
      Thank you for taking the time to read both stories and comment. I am sorry that you lost your mom when you were only 16. I look forward to reading the book you are writing about your life and your loss. Your stories in your blog offer comfort and hope.

  • Angela

    Hi Pamela, I came across your blog via the Jeff Goins writing challenge and read this post about your mum. I lost my mum back in 2008 and I miss her like crazy even though we lived miles apart too. Your post really touched me and I think this year on my mum’s birthday I shall sing happy birthday to the heavens in the hope that it will reach her. Thank you for sharing.

    • pamelahodges

      Hello Angela, Thank you for taking the time to write a comment after you read my story. I am sorry about the loss of your mum. If you sing Happy Birthday to the heavens, she will hear it, and you both will cry.

  • Oh my. How fortunate your mom is to have a daughter like you. My mom is even farther away but still keeps me focused. Aren’t we blessed!

    • pamelahodges

      Yes, we are blessed. I am thankful you have a mom who loves you and keeps you focused.

  • I have the most wonderful mother-in-law in the history of mother-in-laws.