I escaped from a Giant: my past
Today as I was walking out of the movie theater, a Giant tried to grab me. He almost caught me. I was scared.
Then I realized the Giant was only made of paper. I walked away from the Giant; opened the front door of the theater and walked outside.
My children and I walked across the parking lot, got into our car and drove home.
The face of the Giant was scary. His face was grimacing. He had big teeth. His nails were cracked and dirty. He was bigger than me.
I have a paper Giant in my mind. The Giant of my past. I write about events that happened to me as a child to help the child inside of me grow up.
I have run from my past. I have tried to hide from it. I thought keeping my childhood sexual abuse a secret would help me heal. If I didn’t tell anyone, then I would be healed from the shame.
Keeping my secret did not heal. The shadow of shame followed me. Sneaking into my thoughts, telling me I should have known better.
Today as I stood in front of the Giant making a terrified face, I realized I have a choice. I can continue to let my past control me, or I can walk away from it, as easily as I walked away from the paper Giant.
I can not change what happened to me in the past. I can not go back in time and alter my history. I can choose how I will spend today. I can choose to go in the basement to my studio and paint a picture. I can choose to sit at my computer and write a story. I can choose to live in the present and stop living in the terror of my childhood experiences. The abuse will not define me.
I will not live in fear. Yesterday is yesterday. Today is today. And at one second after midnight, we have tomorrow.
Do you have a Paper Giant in your life? Your past can no longer harm you. Turn around and look at it. Right now, turn around and look at the wall behind you. There is no past sitting behind your chair. I encourage you to walk away from your Paper Giant.
Let’s walk together. We are not alone.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
The Giant can’t get us anymore.
About Pamela Hodges
My name is Pamela Hodges. I am a writer and an artist. I write to encourage and to bring laughter. I paint cats, draw cartoons and write books for children and grown ups.