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I escaped from a Giant: my past

Today as I was walking out of the movie theater, a Giant tried to grab me.  He almost caught me.  I was scared.

Then I realized the Giant was only made of paper. I walked away from the Giant; opened the front door of the theater and walked outside.

My children and I walked across the parking lot, got into our car and drove home.

The face of the Giant was scary. His face was grimacing. He had big teeth. His nails were cracked and dirty. He was bigger than me.

I have a paper Giant in my mind. The Giant of my past. I write about events that happened to me as a child to help the child inside of me grow up.

I have run from my past. I have tried to hide from it.  I thought keeping my childhood sexual abuse a secret would help me heal. If I didn’t tell anyone,  then I would be healed from the shame.

Keeping my secret did not heal. The shadow of shame followed me. Sneaking into my thoughts, telling me I should have known better.

Today as I stood in front of the Giant making a terrified face, I realized I have a choice. I can continue to let my past control me, or I can walk away from it, as easily as I walked away from the paper Giant.

I can not change what happened to me in the past. I can not go back in time and alter my history. I can choose how I will spend today. I can choose to go in the basement to my studio and paint a picture. I can choose to sit at my computer and write a story. I can choose to live in the present and stop living in the terror of my childhood experiences. The abuse will not define me.

I will not live in fear. Yesterday is yesterday. Today is today. And at one second after midnight, we have tomorrow.

Do you have a Paper Giant in your life?  Your past can no longer harm you. Turn around and look at it. Right now, turn around and look at the wall behind you.  There is no past sitting behind your chair. I encourage you to walk away from your Paper Giant.

Let’s walk together. We are not alone.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

The Giant can’t get us anymore.

 

 

About Pamela Hodges

My name is Pamela Hodges. I am a writer and an artist. I write to encourage and to bring laughter. I paint cats, draw cartoons and write books for children and grown ups.

You are an artist. Yes, you are. Really.

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Get the FREE illustrated, sort of a comic book, “You Are An Artist.” Believe in yourself and your ability to draw. xo Pamela

  • Pamela,
    What a great post here! Like you, I’ve had to face my own Paper Giants to move forward in my life. Leaning into my God has been the only way I have found to walk through the real pain that these pieces of Paper cause, to find the courage to walk through the valley in Psalms 23. Thanks for sharing

    • Hi Chris. Have you had to face any Paper Giants recently? Sometimes the paper giants are more scary than the real ones.

  • Pamela, you handle this topic of epic horror and turn it for good. Without people sharing stories like this of coming through, we’d be worse off. Someone with a shared experience is reading this and gaining a seed of hope today. Others who have not, we still are encouraged to face other painful realities. Bless you brave writer

    • pamelahodges

      Thank you Christa for your encouragement. I hope my story gives hope to those who would like some.

  • I am so glad that you got away from the giant – the one at the movies and the one of your past! You are an awesome person!

    • pamelahodges

      Thank you Michelle. I am glad too. 🙂

  • Pam, this is a liberating post. I am very happy the paper man helped you erase the pain from your past. Many years back, I did not have paper man. A short sentence however – “I forgive you” – erased that part of my past. God bless you!

    • pamelahodges

      Hello Katina, thank you for sharing how you erased that part of your past. God Bless you too!

  • Pamela,

    This brings back memories of listening to the story of the Paper Giants on Pilgrim’s Progress. And how the Giants only have power over us if we believe that they do. For those who believe the Word of God more, they find the giants are nothing but paper that can definitely be slain. Thank you for sharing how you are slaying the Paper Giants in your life and for encouraging me to do the same with the Paper Giants in my life! Blessings! 🙂

  • Pamela,

    You’re so right. The giant is paper. I love how you are trying to help yourself to grow in those areas that need growing. Me too. I’m so glad you are a triber. Great post.

    • pamelahodges

      Anne, thank you for your encouragement, we can walk together. I am happy you are a triber as well. 🙂

  • MelAnn

    Love the pic! That is awesome! I think we can learn from our past but no need to fear it or run from it… We’ve already survived it!

    • pamelahodges

      MelAnn, thank you for your comment. Yes, we’ve already survived our past, no need to fear or run from it.