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Fifteen ways to wake up angry

Fifteen ways to wake up angry

If you would like to wake up angry, please follow my guidelines,  and you should be able to wake up in a bad mood every day. Please pay attention to the details in my list.  If you do not adhere to my recommendations you may slip up and wake up happy. Now, is happiness what you really want? A life filled with joy, and gratitude. Of course not, so stick to my list and you can wake up angry. And if you are diligent you can be angry all day!

Fifteen ways to wake up angry

1. Eat processed food with a high sugar content. Make sure to not drink any water all day, so your body and your brain have no reserves of energy to deal with stress.

2. Do not set any boundaries. Say yes, whenever you are asked to do something. Be on another committee? Sure, would love to organize a winter carnival.  Bake 12 dozen cookies for the staff meeting in an hour? Sure, I love to bake.

3.  Make sure you do not get enough sleep. Stay up really late watching re-runs of your favorite TV show. Don’t look at the clock, go to bed when the sun comes up.

4.  Do not ask for help in the kitchen. Do everything yourself. Play the victim. But, you must not enjoy what you are doing. Don’t think you are being kind, think angry thoughts, and be resentful.

5. Make sure you harbour resentment.  While you are scrubbing pots, and clearing the table, think angry thoughts, like, “Am I the bloody maid?”

6.  While you are picking up all of the toys in the living room, do not get your children to help you. Let them play video games while you clean.  Do not smile, keep thinking negative thoughts about yourself.

7.  Allow your children to turn up the volume of the television while you are vacuuming up the popcorn they spilled. Remember to think angry thoughts, but do not say anything. You must keep your anger inside, if you want to wake up angry.

8.  Do not take care of yourself. Do not exercise, or stretch.  Waking up with a sore back, and a few extra pounds will help you wake up angry on a daily basis.

9. Never completely clean the kitchen, wash a few dishes, but make sure the kitchen is dirty when you wake up. You want to wake up angry, so leave yourself a mess to wake up to.

10.  Don’t every do anything for yourself. Do not sign up for the class at the gym, or go for a walk with the dog. Make sure you are just cleaning up after other people.  Deny your feelings, this will keep anger festering inside.

11.  Do not rest. Do not take a few minutes to read a book or take a nap. You don’t matter, others are more important.

12. Isolate yourself from your family and your friends. Do not share your feelings, or seek help. This step is very important, if you truly want to wake up angry everyday. Do not ask for help, ever!

13.  Don’t brush your teeth, or wash your face, or take care of yourself. Always put others first. Make sure your husband, or your children go to the dentist, but don’t make an appointment for yourself.

14.  And my personal favorite, to guarantee waking up angry, is to go to bed angry. It is very important to not listen to any advice about taking care of anger before you go to bed.  Give the devil a foothold, and he will help keep you angry.

In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.  Ephesians 4:26-27

Remember, to wake up angry every day, you must not do anything for yourself.

Keep your feelings inside, and never seek help. Oh yes, and eat that doughnut for breakfast. Who needs protein or fruit or vegetables anyways? Not anyone who wants to wake up angry.

Oh, yes, number 15. I really only had fourteen ways to wake up angry. I made a mistake when I painted the sign. I won’t forgive myself when I make mistakes. I will be critical of myself, and angry when I mess up. There, that should keep me angry all day now.

Blooper Photograph #1  See number #15

Blooper photograph #1

 

The sun is starting to rise, did you wake up angry today?  Oh, and please share this with your friends. You wouldn’t want them to wake up happy, now would you?

 

About Pamela Hodges

My name is Pamela Hodges. I am a writer and an artist. I write to encourage and to bring laughter. I paint cats, draw cartoons and write books for children and grown ups.

You are an artist. Yes, you are. Really.

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Get the FREE illustrated, sort of a comic book, “You Are An Artist.” Believe in yourself and your ability to draw. xo Pamela

  • Sakshi

    I know I don’t want to wake up angry for sure, what makes me read all the points is a mystery. Holidays and I usually wake up to the sound of TV with my favorite show CID on, thanks to mom.Home is a mess. Already procrastinating :)) Nice article 🙂

  • Mark

    Haha great stuff! Having a handy list like this means I can always find a way to wake up angry. Thanks, Pamela!

    • You are very welcome Mark. Did you wake up angry today?

      • Mark

        i did wake up angry when I found this but not today!

  • Nice, Pamela. I think. I just ate ice cream and was getting ready for bed. If I’m angry in the morning, now I will know why.

    • Thank you Bryan. I think. Yes, now you will know why woke up in the morning angry. You can blame the ice cream you ate the night before. Or maybe you are waking up angry because you forgot to take a nap today.

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  • Troy

    Simply awesome! Great job putting it all in perspective.

  • Beautiful!

  • Rebekah

    Is this a cry for help?

    • pamelahodges

      No, not today. I did say, “Help. Dry the dishes.” But I am fine, I woke up happy.

  • Pamela, this was awesome! And you are so funny! Really loved this list because it put a unique spin on how to avoid being so angry in our lives.

    • pamelahodges

      Hi Anita, I am glad you enjoyed it. Now to finish cleaning the kitchen. I am not angry, I am thinking nice thoughts today. And getting the kids to clean up their own mess. I even said no when someone asked me to make two dozen cookies.

  • Robin Patrick

    Funny, but oh so true! Love the second picture!!

    • pamelahodges

      Hey Robin, nice to hear from you. I have two signs now, one I can read in the mirror even.

  • Pat Meyers

    HILARIOUS! !!!

    • pamelahodges

      Thanks Pat. How is Illinois?

  • You made me smile over my first cup of coffee this morning. Thanks!

    • pamelahodges

      Janelle, you are very welcome. 🙂