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Where is the grave of the man we called Uncle Carl?

Where is the grave of Carl Schack?

I know the man my family called Uncle Carl committed suicide. The police told me he was dead when I first tried to find him in 1997. Carl Schack molested me when I was a child. I wanted to prevent him from harming other children. He had taken care of that himself.

I want to see the police report. I want to find the grave of Carl Schack.

I wrote a letter to the The Police Chief in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, Canada; the city where I lived as a child.  I mailed the letter on January 30, 2013. I asked for a copy of  the police report: file #1997-491-7; the file created from my initial report of sexual abuse in 1997. I waited over a month for a reply. Then I called the police department and asked if they had processed my letter. My phone message was forwarded to the Forensic Identification Section of the Saskatoon Police Service.

Healing is a process. I started to heal when I wrote Uncle Carl molested me when I was eight. I shared the secret I had kept hidden for over 45 years. The little girl who was ashamed was comforted, loved and reassured by people who read her story and commented. I didn’t have to hide. The abuse wasn’t my fault.

I thought the story I had started to write would end if I could find his grave. A nice neat ending; childhood abuse survivor sets flowers down on the grave of her molester. I played the image in my mind like a three minute YouTube video. Wide shot of cemetery, close up of headstone, then a  wide shot of my back as I walk away.

I won’t get to stand on his grave. The last chapter in my story will not be at the grave of Carl Schack. The police won’t release the information.  I received an e-mail on February 20th, 2013. This is an excerpt from the e-mail.

a) The Saskatoon Police Service does not release actual copies of investigation reports which are maintained on our local record keeping system.  Our police service is not subjected to neither The Local Authority Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act nor The Freedom of Information and Protection of Privacy Act.

b) We would not be able to release any personal information about the suspect and/or any specific details which might lead to an unauthorized disclosure of personal information.

c) You are entitled to a summation of the file.

The man is dead. He molested me. But his privacy is protected.

I asked for a summation of the file.

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He sent out his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.
Psalm 107:19-20

—————————————-

This morning after I finished writing the rough draft of this story, I drove my oldest daughter to school. On the way home I drove past a cemetery. I stopped and took photographs of the back of several headstones to illustrate this story. The name of one of the headstones was not visible. Rain, snow and time and worn away the surface of the stone. Will time erase the story of abuse carved into my past?

The headstone had no name.

Is there a memory in your past that haunts you?

Disclaimer:

These writings refer to Carl Schack, a Canadian man who died in the early 1990’s. Any resemblance to the name or likeness of any other person using the name Carl, Carl Schack, or Uncle Carl, is purely coincidental.

About Pamela Hodges

My name is Pamela Hodges. I am a writer and an artist. I write to encourage and to bring laughter. I paint cats, draw cartoons and write books for children and grown ups.

You are an artist. Yes, you are. Really.

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Get the FREE illustrated, sort of a comic book, “You Are An Artist.” Believe in yourself and your ability to draw. xo Pamela

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  • Berdeane Bodley

    My take on this man, he was a bush rat, he committed suicide, in the bush I am sure, only to be eaten by the animals there in…..thus, no grave!!!

  • Sue Sutherlin

    Perhaps he was cremated and there is no grave upon which to place flowers. Perhaps your ‘dream/YT mind video’ may have to be enough for that final stage of closure. Perhaps there WILL be a way to find that grave and place those flowers. I pray that God will provide whatever is needed for you – He loves you so much!!

    • Thank you Sue. I don’t know if this story will ever end. There will always be something to remind me of the past. I trust God with how the story ends.

  • Janelle

    This makes my heart hurt for you. Buti know you will find your way through it. You are so good. You win!

    • Janelle, I am not in alone in my journey. I am grateful my God and my friends who walk beside me. Thank you.

  • Darlene Mitchell

    That is the most incredible thing I have ever heard…..protecting HIS privacy. You are an incredibly strong woman, and being able to share your story shows how courageous you truly are. I too have memories in my past that haunt me….but unlike you, I cannot seem to put them into words. I admire you for being able to do that!! Thank you for sharing….

    • Darlene, I am sorry you have memories from your past that still haunt you. Thank you for thanking me for sharing. And I thank you for sharing part of your past . Sending you a hug today. Did you get it? It was sent airmail.

  • Rebekah

    Pamela,
    It sounds like you really have a dream of going to this man’s grave. (It may not be a dream that others can fully appreciate, but it is a dream nonetheless.) I would encourage you to keep searching. There are many databases out there that have catalogued gravesites throughout many countries. Perhaps you can find the gravesite that way. I support whatever you decide to do. Only you know what you need to heal.

  • I don’t think it’s fair that this person has any protection of privacy. It’s not fair at all. To answer your question, I have a lot of bad memories, way to many to exorcise; but I am grateful for them because they remind me constantly of how desperately in need of a Savior I am. I don’t ever want to forget that, not for a minute.

    • Kathleen, I had never thought of bad memories that way before. I will now. Thank you for your perspective.

  • My friend, I wish I had words that could help erase the story. All I can offer is my friendship and support. And my true admiration for your steps of courage. Without doubt your vulnerable honesty will help many.

    • Thank you Brianna. Your support and friendship help. A lot.