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Making promises on your wedding day and keeping them

Making promises on your wedding day

At approximately 2:00 p.m. on September 22nd, 1990,  John Nicholson Hodges and I, Pamela Berdeane Fernuik made promises to each other.

We promised to take each other from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.

It was easy for me to make promises dressed in a white silk dress, holding red roses,standing in front of  family and friends.

The wedding is an event. A planned event. What to wear, what to eat, who to invite? Where to go on a honeymoon? Where will we live? The focus in on the wedding day and not on how to live after the guests leave.

And then the party is over and the honeymoon ends. You find bad breath in the morning and grumpiness at night.

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find grounds for marriage.
― Robert Anderson

There were better days and worse days. We played cribbage and went for walks holding hands.We fought over the nutritional value of Shredded Wheat cereal. I threw pots. He left his socks on the floor.

Rich days and poor days. Days when the paychecks came regularly and days when strangers left food on our front porch and slipped us cash at church.

There was sickness and health. Days of hospital visits and pic-lines and no heart beat on the ultrasound five times. And healthy days of running and good blood pressure and the birth of three healthy babies.

There is love.

cher·ish  (chrsh)

tr.v. cher·ishedcher·ish·ingcher·ish·es

1. To treat with affection and tenderness; hold dear: cherish one’s family; fine rugs that are cherished by their owners.
2. To keep fondly in mind; entertain: cherish a memory.

And I cherish him.

We stopped buying Shredded Wheat. I don’t throw pots anymore.  He puts his socks in the laundry hamper. We still go for walks and hold hands, but we haven’t played cribbage since 1996. The paychecks come regularly and we are all healthy.

Some days are better. Some days are worse.

I can’t fit into my wedding dress and my husbands white military jacket is too small.  But we kept our promises.

He is my husband. He is my friend.

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
― Friedrich Nietzsche

I found the cribbage board last week and bought a new deck of cards. Today after we go for a walk, I want to play a game. After I put away the pots and he picks up his socks.

Making promises on our wedding day.

How long have you been married?

Please tell me in the comments. I would love to chat.

About Pamela Hodges

My name is Pamela Hodges. I am a writer and an artist. I write to encourage and to bring laughter. I paint cats, draw cartoons and write books for children and grown ups.

You are an artist. Yes, you are. Really.

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Get the FREE illustrated, sort of a comic book, “You Are An Artist.” Believe in yourself and your ability to draw. xo Pamela

  • Loved this. Mike and I have been married for 37 years. There have been ups and downs as in all marriages, but we love each other.

  • We’ve been married 30. He was there for me during surgery before I ever got married. I knew he was a keeper. :^)

    • Keep the keeper. Congratulations on 30 years Eva.

  • Iya Hannum

    21 years, and I don’t throw glasses anymore- you are not alone, my friend!

    • Thank you Iya. Pots are not as messy to clean up.

  • Christa Sterken

    What a wonderful testament to marriage. This just made me smile the whole read, congrats!

  • Robn Patrick

    What a tribute to the covenant commitment you made to each other and to God. Congratulations on living it out. May God give you many more years of covenant blessings!

    • Thank you Robin. I look forward to many more years of not throwing pots.

  • Jamie Hoffman

    Happy Anniversary!!! Our’s is in October. Thanks for the tears <3

    • Jamie, Sending you hugs for your tears. And thank you for the good wishes.

  • Happy Anniversary! You chose the perfect day to get married. It’s Bilbo and Frodo Baggins’ birthday, you know. Also it’s Joan Jett’s birthday. I hope you and Nick are blessed with a beautiful day and an even more beautiful year, because you are a blessing to so many, many people.

    • Ah, Kathleen, you are so kind. Someone else was born yesterday? Now who was that?

  • Terje

    Happy Anniversary! I hope that you had a lovely day together, walking and playing.
    My husband and I have been married for 18 years. We made no promises. Neither did my parents. They have been married for 48 years.

    • Thank you Terje. May we always love with our without promises. Your parents are a good example of staying together.

  • margaret simon

    Pamela, This is such a true piece. I have been married for 31 years. They have not all been the best, but we have talked as friends and gotten through them with growth. We have 3 healthy girls. Empty nest has been the best so far. We go dancing at least once a week. Congratulations and here’s to many more years!

    • Thank you Margaret. Dancing at least once a week. Sounds wonderful.

  • Happy anniversary! My husband and I celebrated 29 years of marriage this past June. And yes, there have been good times, tough times, sickness, and health. Love the quotes you shared.