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10 reasons why I’m glad I’m not a dog – And 10 reasons why I wish I was.

Why I'm glad I'm not a dog

Martha, our chocolate lab, woke me up with a bark at 3:12 this morning. I leapt out of bed and immediately took her outside.

She never barks to be let out.

A few minutes earlier our youngest daughter came in our bedroom and said, “Mama, Martha woke me up. I could hear her stomach. It really sounded bad.”

“Oh, it’s probably nothing,” and I went back to sleep.

When I heard Martha bark, I  threw back the covers and leapt out of bed, scaring my husband.

“What’s happening!”

“Martha has to go the bathroom.”

I really did leap out of bed. I wasn’t exaggerating. I couldn’t image  having to clean up a pile of dog poop in front of my bedroom door on our white carpet.

It was dark outside at 3:13 in the morning. It only took me one minute to put on Martha’s gentle leader  and take her outside. We don’t have a fenced yard, so I had to go out with her.

The grass was wet and cold. I didn’t have time to put on shoes. I also didn’t have time to put on my glasses. So I couldn’t see what her poop looked like.

Not that I usually look at her poop on purpose. I see her poop because I have to pick it up when we go for walks.

Some days I wonder what she ate.

So, I’m glad I’m not a dog.

Why I’m Glad I’m Not a Dog

  1. If I was a dog, people would be able to  see me when I poop.
  2. I would have to ask to be let outside whenever I had to go to the bathroom.
  3. My poop is visible. People can see what my poop looks like. I can not flush it in privacy.
  4. Some dogs eat their poop. That is the deal killer. Makes be gag just to think about it.
  5. Dog poop smells and everyone who is standing by me when I poop would say, “Oh gross.”
  6. My food comes out of a brown paper bag and it is dry.
  7. I have to stare at other people eating chicken and I don’t get any.
  8. I eat on the floor.
  9. Dogs smell each other’s private parts when they meet.
  10. I can’t eat chocolate.

Well, maybe being a dog would be a good idea. If I was a dog:

  1. I don’t have to wash the dishes.
  2. I don’t have to brush my teeth or floss.
  3. I can take naps all day.
  4. I don’t have to worry about what to wear.
  5. I don’t have to pick up my poop.
  6. I don’t have to cook supper for the family.
  7. I can fart in public.
  8. I can chew food with my mouth open.
  9. I don’t have to take calculus.
  10. And the best part? I wouldn’t have to clean the basement or the seven litter boxes.

What about you? Are you glad you’re not a dog?

Please tell me in the comments. I would love to chat.

p.s. Martha just barked. I will be right back.

p.s.s. Martha has diarrhea.

p.s.s. The Amazon link to the Gentle Link Dog dog collar is an affiliate link. The pennies Amazon pays me helps buy kitty litter. And rug shampoo.


About Pamela Hodges

My name is Pamela Hodges. I am a writer and an artist. I write to encourage and to bring laughter. I paint cats, draw cartoons and write books for children and grown ups.

You are an artist. Yes, you are. Really.

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Get the FREE illustrated, sort of a comic book, “You Are An Artist.” Believe in yourself and your ability to draw. xo Pamela

  • La McCoy

    Hi Martha,
    I knew Mrs Hodges would let you out when you had to go!
    Just wake her up. That’s what i have to do with mom.
    But she does get up and let me out for these delicate doggie moments.

    • Hello Edelweiss,
      What time did you wake up your mom this morning?

      • La McCoy

        Hi Mrs Hodges,
        Mom got me up today in that awful 3am hour. I just don’t know why she does that. I am so sleepy then. But still i go outside in my little yard and sniff the grass to i can do what i have to do.
        Martha yesterday there was a rabbit in the grass right outside my fence. you would have loved her.
        Love you,

  • I’ve been wondering about that lead I saw on Martha, what is the advantage? Does it make it easier to walk her? I love dogs, but they’re gross, so I have never wanted to be a dog. But I do love dogs.

    • Hello Kathleen,
      The Gentle Leader is gentle. It is like a bridle on a horse. They can’t pull.
      Martha weighs over 100 pounds, the gentle leader keeps her from pulling.
      I only want to be a dog on Saturdays, like Janelle suggested.

  • Janelle

    Ha! Maybe you can be a dog on Saturdays.

    • Great idea, as long as I can use the inside bathroom.