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Trying to fit into an old pair of jeans

Trying to fit into an old pair of jeans

The jeans I use to fit into are now pinned on the bulletin board in the room I write in. They use to fit me loosely, now I can’t close the top button. It happened gradually, the spreading of the fat beneath my skin over the top of my jeans. You might not have noticed. I keep buying new jeans that are one size bigger; my shirts are baggy and the sweatshirts I wear are two sizes too big.

You didn’t see me late at night eating five bowls of cereal, or eating a pound of strawberries with a cup of whipped cream. Trying to fill the empty places in my soul with food.

Food is attached to happy memories. Memories as a child eating a bowl of cereal with my brother before we went to bed. Delaying bedtime by putting in too much cereal and then adding too much milk, and then adding more cereal.

The house is quiet at night, the children are asleep, my husband is asleep, and I sit alone at the kitchen table with a gallon of milk and a bag of puffed rice cereal. I eat until the bag is empty, my stomach is bloated, and  I fall asleep in my chair.

Yesterday when I bought groceries, I walked past the bag of puffed rice cereal on the bottom shelf. It is 2 dollars and 69 cents for 1 pound of whole grain naturally nutritious cereal. I said, “No, I won’t buy you anymore. You are my past and not my future.”

The cereal didn’t answer me. It is really only a bag of puffed rice. The bag of cereal has no emotion, but I attach a bag full of heavy feelings to the little bag of food that weighs 6 ounces.

I can not go back in time, or recreate a sense of security by eating cereal late at night. Food will never fill the empty space in my soul.

God loves me no matter what size my jeans are. I know that. The jeans are only to remind me I want to fit into them again. I want to control my eating.

I am looking for comfort in the wrong place.

There is only one thing that can comfort me late at night.

A glass of water.

The water I drink will remind me I have been remade. Water to drink and the living water that Jesus offers.

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
John 3: 13,14

Jesus will fill the empty places, and my jeans will fit again.

Every hour on the hour I drink a glass of water. I don’t always remember, sometimes I drink water on the half hour and some hours I forget. I pray when I drink. I pray for friends and strangers. If you would like to be on the Water Prayer List, if there is something you want prayer for, please tell me in the comments, or send me an e-mail privately, [email protected]

Trying to fit into an old pair of jeans.


About Pamela Hodges

My name is Pamela Hodges. I am a writer and an artist. I write to encourage and to bring laughter. I paint cats, draw cartoons and write books for children and grown ups.

You are an artist. Yes, you are. Really.

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Get the FREE illustrated, sort of a comic book, “You Are An Artist.” Believe in yourself and your ability to draw. xo Pamela

  • I liked this post. I struggle with drinking water and one of the meds I’ve been put on is a water pill. More than ever I have to drink water. I am on day three of drinking 8 glasses of water. I think I’ll get a container and keep it on the counter. It’s what my brother suggested and I see Patricia did as well. You can pray for me that I adjust to the medication they have me on. Thanks, Pamela.

  • Pamela, you house looks beautiful from the little I can see.
    JEANS – the bane of every girl’s life. A little hint. Since we are outdoors so much we learned to drink water, a glass on the hour won’t work in the long term. Buy yourself a water bottle like the kind sportsman use. Keep it by your side, wherever you go. Keep a glass jug of fresh water on your kitchen counter, add slices of lemon and mint one day, fresh berries the other day, cucumber. It’s looks really beautiful and refreshing. The fruit infuses the water and you fill your bottle from the jar. I love water and drink at least a gallon a day.
    You won’t want to eat cereal anymore (milk is what bloats you;).
    One other thing.
    Drink freshly juiced carrot, ginger and celery juice every morning first thing. We work-out for an hour at high intensity and do not get tired, on just the juice. Carrot juice is magic. You won’t get hungry until lunch. Keep a bowl with raw almonds, cranberries and seeds to eat if you are peckish.
    Eat fresh fruit and bulgarian yoghurt in between and at night rather eat oven roasted veggies, it’s yummy, and add whatever meat or fish you want.
    At the weekends you can ‘cheat’ but you won’t want too.
    Paint your jeans with fabric paint in psychedelic colors and slogans to keep you inspired to NOT EAT CEREAL. It’s bad for your brain. The world needs your brain and talent.

  • Pamela, I feel your pain about the jeans. (Mine still fit, but a year ago, they were almost falling off me. I’d like to be in that position again.) I know what to do, it’s just doing it. That’s so kind of you to have a “water prayer list.” There’s nothing to compare to going before the throne of grace and letting that Living Water flow in us and through us.


    • Hello Joan,
      Yes, I know what to do too, now I just need to do it. No bedtime snacks today, just two glasses of water, one real one and one of Living Water.
      Blessings to you as well Joan.

      • Pamela, we can pray for and encourage one another. It’s hard for me to drink plain water, especially during colder months.

  • This is going to throw a wrench into your plan of not buying any new (or used) clothing (if you’re not careful). Maybe you should watch the video Sugar: The Bitter Truth on you tube. (I feel your pain)

    • Hello Shelley,
      I have two pairs of pants that fit now. So I am set, I don’t have to buy any new clothes. When the jeans fit again I will have at least a dozen pair of pants in that size.
      The sugar video sounds good to watch, I will watch it later today. Thank you for the suggestion. Fortunately I don’t crave sugar. I don’t eat any sugar at all, maybe that helps. I only crave rice cereal and popcorn.