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You are a good mom

youareagoodmom

Has anyone told you today, “You are a good mom”?

I just paid a therapist one hundred dollars so she could say to me, “You are a good mom.”

When I scheduled the appointment I didn’t know what I needed. Maybe I just wanted someone to listen to me, someone who would listen without telling me what to do, someone who would encourage and not condemn.

Paying someone to not interrupt me with their own stories. Paying someone to listen to what I said. I didn’t want to talk to someone who was just waiting for me to pause so they could match my story with their story. Ping pong stories, no one listening, just talking, back and forth across the table.

Please let me save you one hundred dollars.

Please let me tell you:

You are a good mom.

There you go. I just saved you one hundred dollars.

Mom’s don’t get awards for being good moms. There is no performance evaluation at the end of every quarter telling us we did a good job making breakfast, waking up in the middle of the night to clean up vomit, or change the sheets when the child wet the bed. There are no awards for mothers who wake up early to make lunches before they put on their suits and go to work at the office.

You are a good mom.

Mom’s don’t win free trips to Hawaii because they changed one hundred diapers this week. Mom’s are not on commission like they would be if they sold insurance. Mom’s love their children and work hard to provide for them. Mom’s provide love and security. Mom’s encourage their children  to be brave and not listen to the children at school who tease them about their name. Mom’s are a safe harbor for their children.

Mom’s don’t get brought up on stage and given awards for being a good mom.

There are all kinds of ways to be a mom. You might be a stay-at-home mom, or you might be a mom who goes to the office every day. Maybe you are a mom who breast-fed your baby, or maybe you were a mom who fed your baby formula.

You are all moms, and you are all good moms.

Mom’s do what they think is best for their child. It is your job mom.

They are your babies mom. Be kind, listen, say you are sorry when you are wrong. Love your babies, even when they are old enough to drive. Love your babies no matter what.

Please let me tell you one more time.

You are a good mom.

I realize now I didn’t have to pay a therapist to tell me I am a good mom, all I had to do was call up a friend and talk to her. I have friends who are good listeners, friends who don’t play ping-pong when we talk. They would have told me, “You are a good mom.” For some reason, I thought a therapist’s opinion carried more weight. Because she had a degree in counseling, her validation was better.

Today, call up a friend, go and see her. Take her for coffee, or bring her coffee. Use both of your ears, listen to your friends cares and concerns. When she pauses, ask questions, please don’t jump in with your own story right away, “The same thing happened to me…”  You will have your turn to talk, but today, please listen, and then tell her, “You are a good mom.”

Hmmm. Who will I call today?

Do you ever wish someone would tell you, “You are a good mom?”  Please tell me in the comments. I would love to encourage you.

p.s. I meant to publish this sooner, but my daughter had a fever. We sat and read books all day, and I didn’t finish this until she felt better. 

p.s.s  And here is a little award for you. The “You are a good mom award.” Put it on your blog, or print it out and tape it to your fridge.

youareagoodmom

About Pamela Hodges

My name is Pamela Hodges. I am a writer and an artist. I write to encourage and to bring laughter. I paint cats, draw cartoons and write books for children and grown ups.

You are an artist. Yes, you are. Really.

Get my FREE book, The Artist’s Manifesto and BATTLE the false belief that you can’t draw. You can draw. Really you can. And I will help show you how in my regular updates. xo Pamela

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  • La McCoy

    You are a good mom.

  • Janelle

    You are wonderful. You are a person who lives her life with honesty and passion and Jesus, and that makes you a great mom. Love your heart.

  • kathunsworth

    I know you are the bestest Mum Pamela, just by reading your posts. It is one of the hardest jobs in the world and I have been to a professional for my son and the best thing he told me was that my son knows he is loved, for a kid on the spectrum that is an awesome thing and my sign that I am a good mum and we are great parents. Lets celebrate xxxx

    • http://www.ipaintiwrite.com/ Pamela Hodges

      Hello Kath,
      Thank you!
      Yes, our children know they are loved. You are a good Mum Kath, loving your children and helping them be who they are.
      Yes, lets celebrate!
      xo

  • http://www.annepeterson.com/ Anne Peterson

    Pamela, I would have told you, “You are a good mom.” I love the stories you share from your heart. They are real, raw, the kind we need. Thanks for the encouragement you readily give.

    • http://www.ipaintiwrite.com/ Pamela Hodges

      Hello Anne,
      Thank you for encouraging me as a mom. Some days I need it more than others. Today was that kind of day.

  • nlazaris

    Although I am a ‘Dad’ it is always encouraging to be reminded of what you have shared. As a Psychologist, I often look at my clients and simply say, “You are amazing, just the way you are!” Most often they are stunned and share that they have never heard that!

    • http://www.annepeterson.com/ Anne Peterson

      I would imagine you’ve seen your words literally sink into a person’s soul, right before your eyes. We are empty wells needing that kind of encouragement.

      • nlazaris

        Yes, I believe that we never stop needing words that say, “You matter.” The tough part is getting to the place when we can say those words to our self!

        • http://www.ipaintiwrite.com/ Pamela Hodges

          Good Morning Nick,

          “Nick, you are amazing, just the way you are.”
          I’ll bet the people who you talk to every day feel better after they see you.
          Now, I need to go and look in the mirror and tell myself, ” You matter.”
          It is always easier to encourage someone else, than it is to believe it myself.

  • Tammy Schaefer

    Hi There Pamela! It’s been awhile since I stopped by, been out of the loop. This post resonated with me on two levels. The first, I remember the doubt that plagued me for years as I raised my daughter. Mistakes were made, there are a few regrets, but I see and amazing person in my daughter and realize prayer was my biggest tool. God covered over many mistakes and provided for much healing! The second, is I need to work on my listening skills. Sometimes I share a story, so the person sharing their pain will know I understand their pain. Maybe I need to rethink that strategy. Thanks for sharing.

    • http://www.ipaintiwrite.com/ Pamela Hodges

      Good Morning Tammy,
      Thank you for stopping by and commenting. I must remember that I don’t have to parent alone, that God will guide me and help me as a parent. I often doubt the choices I make, but I will continue to pray daily for wisdom.
      I often share stories too when I talk with a friend, so they know I understand. I want to try just listening, and not try to fix the problem.
      Thank you again Tammy.

  • Sue Sutherlin

    I have been blessed to hear the words “You are a good mom” more than one time, though there are days I seriously doubt it (I guess we all have those days!). I would have gladly saved you $100 to tell you that I am inspired by the mom you are. I love your sense of imagination! I appreciate your protective nature! I know that the things you do are with your children’s best interests at heart (and I think I can safely say that about most moms). Sometimes we make mistakes; we’re human. God was the perfect parent, and the first two kids He put on the face of the earth screwed up. What dysfunctional family did they come from? YOU are a GOOD mom!!

    • http://www.ipaintiwrite.com/ Pamela Hodges

      Good Morning Sue,
      Thank you for your encouragement. I have a smile today. Thank you.
      And for the reminder that we all make mistakes. I completely forgot that God’s children made mistakes too.
      And please let me tell you, “Sue, you are a good mom.”

  • http://kathleencaron.com/ Kathleen Caron

    You are a good mom. Me, I’m not so sure about. But not for lack of trying. Thank you for the encouragement and for the reminder to be a good listener and not play ping pong with words, that is really, really important. Maybe nobody would have to go to counseling if people would just listen without judgment.

    • http://www.ipaintiwrite.com/ Pamela Hodges

      Good Morning Kathleen,
      Thank you for your vote of confidence. And, may I please tell you, “You are a good mom”?
      Yes, listening without judgement, a good idea.

  • http://mojitoandme.com/ Patricia Storbeck

    sometimes we DO need validation to believe in ourselves, that hundred dollars was well spent. it’s like your husband tells you, you look pretty and you don’t believe him. but let another man tell you that and you can’t stop smiling. hahaha

    • http://www.ipaintiwrite.com/ Pamela Hodges

      Hello Patricia with the bare feet in the sand,
      Thank you. I did feel better after I spent the one hundred dollars. Now if I could just find a random strange man to tell me I am pretty then I can believe my husband.

      • http://mojitoandme.com/ Patricia Storbeck

        Chuckled when reading your reply. Come to Italy. Many around who will tell you that. But in a nice way. Italian men are very charming creatures.
        Ciao, ciao,
        You are so funny.