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Essential advice for married couples about loading the dishwasher

Tonight my husband put the dinner plates in the dishwasher. He put them in facing the wrong direction. As I reached to turn the plates the other way, the correct way, it occurred to me how foolish I have been for the past twenty-four and a half years I have been married.

The proper way to load the dishwasher

My husband doesn’t load the dishwasher very often because I always come behind him and rearrange what he has just done. If I could go back in time, I would never rearrange the dishes he placed in the dishwasher.

Tomorrow morning, the plates will be just as clean facing the wrong way. And there is really no right way.

After I finished loading the dishwasher tonight by myself, I went upstairs and asked Nick what is the most important advice he would give a  married couple. 

I won’t tell you what he thought there should be more of.

“I can’t say that. This is a family friendly blog.”

“How do you think families get started?”

Ignoring my husbands comment, I said,  “The main problem in marriage is thinking there is only one way to load the dishwasher. You alienate the other dishwasher loader and end up doing it all by yourself. ”

“Yeah, that’s true,” he said, as he watched the Timberwolves play against Portland on his smart phone.

“Do you feel better about our marriage now that I’m not rearranging the plates in the dishwasher”?

“Way better.”

It only took me twenty-four and a half years to realize how I could help my husband feel better about our marriage. All those lost years where we could have been loading the dishwasher together.

Shared memories of loading dirty plates lost. 

Perhaps tomorrow I will watch the Timberwolves play basketball on my smart phone and he will load the dishwasher himself.

Or maybe we can do it together and make a new memory?


Do you rearrange the dishwasher when someone else loads it?  Or what is the most important advice you would give a  married couple on a family friendly blog?

Please click here to comment, or just scroll to the bottom of this story on my blog.


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About Pamela Hodges

I write slice of life stories to help you know you are loved, valuable and worthy just as you are. I am a writer, an artist, and a cleaner of seven litter boxes. I live in Pennsylvania with one husband, four cats, one dog and two birds.

You are an artist. Yes, you are. Really.

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  • La McCoy

    I dont use the dishwasher any more. I just wash the very few dishes.

  • Teresa

    the only time I will rearrange dishes in the dishwasher is if what I need to fit in there won’t fit if I don’t move a few dishes. Now putting them away in the cupboards is another story. I do have certain items put on certain shelves in the cabinets and my husband will just stack them all together in one spot. If he doesn’t know where something goes, he will just lay them on the counter that I use the most.

    • Hello Teresa,
      It sounds like you and your husband have a good system worked out. Keeping items in certain shelves makes it so much easier to find something when you need it.
      All my best,

  • Krithika Rangarajan

    hahahaha – I am not very good at loading dishwashers myself, BUT I am very particular about making the bed!

    Until yesterday, I didn’t trust my husband to do a good job. When in frustration I asked him why he never makes the bed, pat came his reply: “Because you redo it anyway, so what’s the point!”

    Well, I let him make the bed yesterday and the results were pleasing. Sure, he forgot to arrange those 7 soft toys that my dog hasn’t yet chewed 😉 , BUT the world didn’t slice open and fall into a black hole because he took the initiative 😉

    Love ya, Pamela #HUGS

    PS: You have been married 24.5 years, you say? How old are you again? Because you look like you are in the early-mid twenties! WOW

    • Hello Kitto,
      Wow, you are really living dangerously allowing your husband to make the bed. And, thank goodness the world didn’t slice open and fall into a black hole. Maybe a new star was created because you allowed him to make the bed.

      How are you at math? Double the amount of years I have been married, then add seven years and four months. And that is how old I am. I often forget.

      p.s. Thank you for the WOW.

  • Berdeane Bodley

    You did just great with the advice you gave, I think we all make mistakes, we’re all human!!!
    xoxox, Mom

    • Hello Mother,
      I hope you are having a wonderful day. Thank you for reminding me I am human. I often forget and think I have to be perfect.
      Love your daughter

  • jmcarroll7

    Yep. And I would unload the dishwasher, and wash all of the laundry, and fold the laundry, and make the bed, and basically everything because I am completely neurotic. Thankfully over our 14 years together I have learned to let a few things go, like loading the dishwasher and the laundry on most occasions. Although when I tried to let him make the bed or unload the dishwasher he will put the sheets on upside down or put the dishes in the ‘wrong’ place just to mess with me. He compared me to Rain Man’s need to purchase underwear at a particular place. Then I reminded him he buys his pencils from a particular place in Japan. The best thing to do is make sure your spouse is as weird as you are 🙂


    • Being completely neurotic myself I can relate to your need to do things a certain way. Thankfully my husband is as weird as I am.
      And, if I may ask, what pencils, and where does he buy them in Japan? I lived in Tokyo in the 80’s for seven years. And I draw. They must be incredible pencils.