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I am a lying, sneaking, ice-cream eating in secret, mother who yells

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Well, maybe I am not a liar. Maybe I didn’t lie. But I never told my children, or my husband, there were Klondike bars in the basement freezer either. I had bought the six count of the Original Klondike bars several weeks ago for my oldest daughter.

And I forgot to tell her, and then she moved out. And then I forgot about the ice-cream bars.

I didn’t share

Then last week I found the Klondike bars in the basement freezer. They were hiding behind the frozen chicken wings.

Hey, look at that. I never told the kids or my husband about the Klondike bars, and they don’t know they are here. And, I haven’t eaten any chocolate,  for five years, (except for the bunny ears at Easter.) I can handle this. And nobody likes Klondike bars. Just the oldest kid and she moved out.

And, I forgot how sick I felt the last time I ate chocolate. I thought I wouldn’t get sick last time, because there were Macadamia nuts with the chocolate, and the nuts would balance out the effects of the sugar.  But the nuts did not help. The last time I ate chocolate I yelled and grabbed my hair and felt awful.

Eating in secret

I ate one ice-cream bar the first day. And one ice-cream the second day, and one ice-cream bar the third day. And one ice-cream the fourth day, and one ice-cream the fifth day, and one ice-cream the sixth day. And I never told anyone. (Maybe I should tell my husband before he reads this story.)

I ate them in the basement in the corner at my writing desk, and if anyone came in the basement I hid what I was eating. Then I hid the wrappers in the back of my Orchard Supply Hardware truck on my desk.

My plan was to eat the six Klondike bars and then never eat them ever again in my whole life. Just the six bars.

I dreamt about the bars; I tried to see how long I could go each day without eating a bar. An ice-cream bar with a crisp covering of milk chocolate. I tried to eat the bars slowly. And after I had eaten a bar, all I could think of was, I get to eat one more tomorrow.

And then they were all gone. All six. Eaten. Gone. Digested. Finished. For the rest of my life. 

The Klondike bars were calling my name

As soon as I walked into the grocery story I could hear the Klondike bars calling my name. “Pamela! Pamela! Come to me. Surely you can eat more than six for the rest of your life?”

As I walked down the meat aisle at the grocery store, past the chicken, turning left at the end of the aisle to get a gallon of milk, the Klondike bars got louder. I had to walk right past the ice-cream to get to the milk! The Klondike bars said, “Hey, Hodges, where have you been? We aren’t that bad. Buy two packages this time. One package for the kids and one for you.”

Twelve Klondike bars went in the shopping cart. I didn’t tell the children or my husband. I snuck them into the downstairs freezer, and I started to eat them. One a day.

After day twelve, in the morning, there were twelve Original Klondike bar wrappers in my Orchard Supply Hardware toy truck. The effects of the sugar on my hypoglycemic brain were overwhelming. I hit the counter and yelled.

Good-bye Original Klondike Bars

Immediately after I finished yelling, I walked downstairs and threw the rest of the Klondike Bars away. The Original Klondike bars. Six of them. In the garbage.

shareasimageicecream

And I won’t buy Klondike Bars again. Ever. (Well, maybe if the kids ask. But, I won’t hide them, and I won’t eat any.)

 And I will write a new title, I will be the honest, not ice-cream sneaking, not having a tantrum mother.

——————————–

I couldn’t figure out last night why I wanted to tell you I was sneaking ice-cream. Why would I tell you?

It would be so much neater, if I keep on telling you, “Oh, I never eat sugar or chocolate. I only eat carrots as a snack.” It would be much more polite if I kept up with the “I never make mistakes, and I am a perfect mother,” game.

And haven’t you heard people complain that most posts on facebook and instagram only show a person’s good side?

And then we compare our summer vacation to the Outlets with someone’s trip to Disneyland? Or we compare what we eat to someones picture of a plate of carrots.

People sharing how they have life all figured out, and how they are so cool.

Well, I don’t have it all figured out. Last week I drove to the store to buy clean underwear because I didn’t want to do laundry.
And I ate sugar. And I yelled. And I am not cool.

And every morning I pray, Dear God, help me be a good mommy. Help me be kind. Protect my children, and let them always know they are loved. And now I pray, Dear God, please help me walk past the Original Klondike bars at the grocery store and help me not eat sugar or chocolate.

I paint, I write, and I am not perfect.

Today I pray, that you feel loved. Loved if you are a parent who sometimes makes mistakes and yells.  Loved if you never had children.  Loved if you are not married. Loved if you don’t always eat the right food.

Just plain old loved.

xo
Pamela

 And I promise if you come and visit me, I will buy you Klondike bars and I won’t eat any.

If you would like to comment you can click here, or just scroll to the bottom of the page if you are on my blog. And, if you know someone who could use encouragement, please share.

About Pamela Hodges

I write slice of life stories to help you know you are loved, valuable and worthy just as you are. I am a writer, an artist, and a cleaner of seven litter boxes. I live in Pennsylvania with one husband, four cats, one dog and two birds.

You are an artist. Yes, you are. Really.

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Get the FREE illustrated, sort of a comic book, “You Are An Artist.” Believe in yourself and your ability to draw. xo Pamela

  • La McCoy

    I have done things i am not proud of.

  • I absolutely loved this post. I too, have had struggles when I’ve let Klondike bars in my house. There’s such a thing as tasting too good. They taste too good. Love the honesty and the willingness to let us see your struggles. I do believe if we just wrote about our struggles we would free so many people who have them, and then feel awful about it.

    I used to tell people I could not have cheesecake in the house for the same reason you let the six pack of Klondike bars melt to death. I would sliver that cheesecake away and practically lick the silver throwaway pan. You’ve inspired me Pamela.

    Once I remember a leader of a weight loss group saying if we struggle with any food we should treat it like fresh vegetables and rinse it thoroughly before eating. Confession. I once squeezed the life out of piece of chocolate cake under the running water. Is it wrong that it felt so good??

    • Oh Anne,
      Thank you for telling me about the chocolate cake. I totally understand not having cheesecake in the house. I would have licked the pan as well.
      Some food is just so dang addictive.
      And, not it is not wrong. Squeeze that old chocolate cake again and then throw it away.
      xo
      Pamela

  • Dana Murphy

    Oh, if eating a couple (okay, twelve or eighteen) Klondike bars is your worst crime as a mother, you’re forgiven.

    Thanks for your honesty. I’ll tell you a secret, too. My sister left two cookies here on Mother’s Day for my girls and I ate them both. And I don’t feel one bit bad about it.

    • Hello Dana,
      Thank you for forgiving me for my Klondike bar eating.
      And thank you for telling me about the two cookies. It was Mother’s Day right? And you are a mother.
      xo
      Pamela

  • Katina Vaselopulos

    Well, well, well!

    A small container of almond cookies has been in the refrigerator since Easter, pretty much undisturbed, until few minutes earlier. After I read your post, the doorbell rang. It was my nephew who came over for a visit. Knowing how much he loves these cookies, I took them out to treat him. He had four and loved them. I had one and was satisfied. But then, when he left, I had three more…A bite each, but nevertheless, I had three. Discipline was looking the other way!

    Now, I could blame you, Miss Pamela, for reminding me that I am not perfect or my nephew, who was the reason those cookies were in front of my face, tempting me to put them into my mouth. But, don’t worry. I take full responsibility! No blaming others!
    Yeap! I am not perfect 🙂

    Seriously, Life is too short not to enjoy some of the things we like. I eat very healthy, 90% of the time, mostly vegetables, fruit, and nuts. I had few can sardines with a slice of chewy bread and some sugarless,cooked cranberries in the morning. We had braised baby okra for lunch. If I want something, I will have it. Having cultivated a taste for only few great quality sweets prevents me from craving other sugary treats while I get fully satisfied with very small servings…usually.

    I am not thin. I never was. But I am healthy and that is what counts!

    I had fun with your post.You will read in my Sailing to Ithaca about my stress over eating a “forbidden” food. When I made up my mind to have everything I want in moderation, I stopped craving the wrong things.

    Bless you my friend!

    • Hello Katina,
      Three cookies? They must have been good.
      I am happy to hear you are healthy. Some food just makes me reaaaaaaaaly sick. Yes, life is to short to not enjoy the things we like.
      I look forward to reading your book. I still remember the first story of yours I read in The Tribe Writer Course. It was delightful.
      Blessing to you my friend,
      xo
      Pamela

  • Sammy Sue Mattson

    Such a funny, witty post, Pamela! One I can completely relate to! I took up eating dark chocolate so my young son wouldn’t want any when I ate it because I didn’t want to have to hide it from him and, really, what five-year old likes dark chocolate? Turns out my five-year old does. Ha Ha! Maybe I will have to get myself an Orchard Hardware truck for my writing desk 🙂

    • Hello Sammy Sue,
      What a cool name. How funny your son likes dark chocolate too. If I see another Orchard Hardware truck at a yard sale, I will buy it for you.
      xo
      Pamela

  • You may have eaten sugar and yelled. You may have avoided laundry. You may not be perfect. But you ARE cool, Pamela!

    • John,
      I will take cool over perfect. And, thank you.
      xo
      Pamela

  • Berdeane Bodley

    This is your Mother speaking & we both know when one has hypoglycemia how hard it is to keep our brain on the right path (not) if I live to be 126 years old I will fight my brain every day of my life. Remember the time I came to Calgary to visit you, we had gone downtown, decided to buy an ice cream cone (not just a small one – oh no, how about a triple decker, slathered with chocolate on top, by the time we walked to your place we’re lucky we’re both still here, we were literally snarling at one another. How’s that for a good example to show your daughter?? Every day of my life I fight the urge to eat chocolate, ice cream, you name it, if it’s sweet I want it. How hard life can be. No matter Pamela, I still love you & what’s more important we both know our weaknesses.

    • Hi Mom,
      Thank you for always loving me. Even when I always got a stomach ache right as we had to wash the supper dishes.
      xo
      Love your daughter

  • Sitting in a corner, hiding your physical body, hiding the wrappers, hiding your shame…..tsk, tsk…sounds like me! I eat salads in public and then go hide while devouring pounds of dark chocolate (trying to avoid having the kids find out how much exactly I ate). Did someone say Hershey?

    • Hello Indre,
      Oh, dark chocolate is my favorite too. The Easter bunny my brother sent me was dark chocolate. The bag had my name of it so I had to eat it. Right?
      Salad sounds delicious. I like that we have something in common, I will try and keep our similarity my salad eating and not my eating in secret.
      So nice to hear from you.
      xo
      Pamela

  • DA Schuhow

    And I am a lying, sneaking, smoking, chugging red bull Grandma who yells at her grandsons! Really, it’s time for a change…………….

    • Hello DA Schuhow,
      And you are also a kind and thoughtful friend. The rest you can change. Keep the sweetness of your spirit and get rid of the rest.
      xo
      Pamela

      • DA Schuhow

        Thanks for reminding I am not a lost cause, but I am LOVED!

  • Kendra Burrows

    This is awesome! 😉

  • GirlGriot

    Oh, how I love you. I will never be posting pictures of the plates of carrots I eat … because I don’t ever eat plates of carrots. And part of the reason for that is that I’m allergic to carrots, but also because too many people know me well enough to come online and say, “Yes, those carrots are lovely. But what about the bag of Tate’s chewy ginger cookies you ate? What about that kingsize Hershey bar?” Yeah, exactly. So not perfect, so not cool. And thank goodness!

    xo Stacie

    • Hello Stacie,
      I promise never to offer you carrots to eat. But, I will offer to make you home-made ginger cookies. And maybe even have a Hershey bar for you to eat.
      I am delighted to be your not perfect and not cool friend. We can be not perfect together.
      xo
      Pamela