Everyone is talking about boundaries. Okay, I don’t know who “everyone” is. And everyone is probably not talking about boundaries. Everyone is probably still sleeping or wondering what they will eat for breakfast.
I told you to say no sometimes. I asked you, “Do you need to practice saying , “No?” I was so concerned with saying no, I forgot the importance of saying , “Yes.”
Boundaries are healthy. We set up fences to protect our mental and our physical health. I want a fence with a gate. I want to learn when to say yes and when to say no.
I suggest reading Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life. The book gives practical advice on learning how to take care of yourself.
Did you read the title? Did you notice it says, “When to say yes?” I completely missed it. I just read the second part, “How to say no.” I thought I was only supposed to say no. No, No, No. I stand in front of my mirror and role play people asking me questions at least once a month. I do both parts.
“Would you like to swim across the English Channel?”
“No thank you.”
“Would you like to sew costumes for a play?”
“No thank you.”
Would you like to work Friday night at church helping hang with kids.”
“No thank you.”
I never give a reason. I don’t want to debate my reasons. I just say no, or no thank you. A polite no, with a hint of a smile. I want to be firm and friendly.
Sometimes you need to say, “Yes.”
A healthy boundary needs a gate. If you lock your gate, no one can come in and hug you.
I think I need to stand in front of my mirror and practice saying yes. Yes, Yes, Yes.
A generous person will prosper;
whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.
A request for volunteers was sent out last Tuesday for an event on Friday night, last night at my church. The request was sent out to people who regularly volunteer on Sunday mornings in Children’s Ministry. Celebrate Recovery was offering childcare so parents could see the movie Home Run, which opened yesterday. (CR stands for Celebrate Recovery)
“I’m looking for four more adults to help hang with kids on Friday from 5:45-10:00 p.m.
This is 1) a way to partner with CR and bless parents who are going to see a powerful movie
2) a kids camp fundraiser as all families helping to hang with kids earn camp money via CR!!! —”
The Pastor didn’t ask me directly; it was a group message. I ignored the message. Someone else will help. I can stay home and write. Then I received a private facebook message on Wednesday.
I don’t know if you are available or not, but we have a group of 12 2& unders for Friday night and I am looking for another adult to help in there. it is from 5:45-10:00 p.m. You will earn money toward your daughters camp.
Ah, the old personal ask trick. She asked me personally. I was needed. I opened my gate and allowed someone in.
I said, “Thanks for asking. I would love to help with the babies. May I bring my puppets and wear my jammies?
I went to church and held babies. I forgot my puppets by the front door and I didn’t wear my jammies. I did show up on time with a good attitude. I said yes with a hint of a smile. Parents were able to see a movie and have a date night; my daughter earned money towards camp and I was able to help someone and get a hug.
I won’t swim across the English Channel and I won’t sew costumes for everyone in a play, but sometimes I will hold babies, and change dirty diapers. It is as important to know when to say yes as it is to know when to say no.
P.S. on Sunday mornings in the nursery, only the Nursery Coordinators change diapers. Volunteers get to play and hold babies, no dirty diapers for them.
Do you know when to say yes and when to say no? I am still learning.
Please let me know in the comments. I would love to chat.
P.S.S. The link to the book Boundaries is an affiliate link. It won’t cost you anymore to buy the book here. Your purchase helps me buy kitty litter for my four cats.