Martha, our chocolate lab, woke me up with a bark at 3:12 this morning. I leapt out of bed and immediately took her outside.
She never barks to be let out.
A few minutes earlier our youngest daughter came in our bedroom and said, “Mama, Martha woke me up. I could hear her stomach. It really sounded bad.”
“Oh, it’s probably nothing,” and I went back to sleep.
When I heard Martha bark, I threw back the covers and leapt out of bed, scaring my husband.
“Martha has to go the bathroom.”
I really did leap out of bed. I wasn’t exaggerating. I couldn’t image having to clean up a pile of dog poop in front of my bedroom door on our white carpet.
It was dark outside at 3:13 in the morning. It only took me one minute to put on Martha’s gentle leader and take her outside. We don’t have a fenced yard, so I had to go out with her.
The grass was wet and cold. I didn’t have time to put on shoes. I also didn’t have time to put on my glasses. So I couldn’t see what her poop looked like.
Not that I usually look at her poop on purpose. I see her poop because I have to pick it up when we go for walks.
Some days I wonder what she ate.
So, I’m glad I’m not a dog.
Why I’m Glad I’m Not a Dog
- If I was a dog, people would be able to see me when I poop.
- I would have to ask to be let outside whenever I had to go to the bathroom.
- My poop is visible. People can see what my poop looks like. I can not flush it in privacy.
- Some dogs eat their poop. That is the deal killer. Makes be gag just to think about it.
- Dog poop smells and everyone who is standing by me when I poop would say, “Oh gross.”
- My food comes out of a brown paper bag and it is dry.
- I have to stare at other people eating chicken and I don’t get any.
- I eat on the floor.
- Dogs smell each other’s private parts when they meet.
- I can’t eat chocolate.
Well, maybe being a dog would be a good idea. If I was a dog:
- I don’t have to wash the dishes.
- I don’t have to brush my teeth or floss.
- I can take naps all day.
- I don’t have to worry about what to wear.
- I don’t have to pick up my poop.
- I don’t have to cook supper for the family.
- I can fart in public.
- I can chew food with my mouth open.
- I don’t have to take calculus.
- And the best part? I wouldn’t have to clean the basement or the seven litter boxes.
What about you? Are you glad you’re not a dog?
Please tell me in the comments. I would love to chat.
p.s. Martha just barked. I will be right back.
p.s.s. Martha has diarrhea.
p.s.s. The Amazon link to the Gentle Link Dog dog collar is an affiliate link. The pennies Amazon pays me helps buy kitty litter. And rug shampoo.