Has anyone told you today, “You are a good mom”?

I just paid a therapist one hundred dollars so she could say to me, “You are a good mom.”

When I scheduled the appointment I didn’t know what I needed. Maybe I just wanted someone to listen to me, someone who would listen without telling me what to do, someone who would encourage and not condemn.

Paying someone to not interrupt me with their own stories. Paying someone to listen to what I said. I didn’t want to talk to someone who was just waiting for me to pause so they could match my story with their story. Ping pong stories, no one listening, just talking, back and forth across the table.

Please let me save you one hundred dollars.

Please let me tell you:

You are a good mom.

There you go. I just saved you one hundred dollars.

Mom’s don’t get awards for being good moms. There is no performance evaluation at the end of every quarter telling us we did a good job making breakfast, waking up in the middle of the night to clean up vomit, or change the sheets when the child wet the bed. There are no awards for mothers who wake up early to make lunches before they put on their suits and go to work at the office.

You are a good mom.

Mom’s don’t win free trips to Hawaii because they changed one hundred diapers this week. Mom’s are not on commission like they would be if they sold insurance. Mom’s love their children and work hard to provide for them. Mom’s provide love and security. Mom’s encourage their children  to be brave and not listen to the children at school who tease them about their name. Mom’s are a safe harbor for their children.

Mom’s don’t get brought up on stage and given awards for being a good mom.

There are all kinds of ways to be a mom. You might be a stay-at-home mom, or you might be a mom who goes to the office every day. Maybe you are a mom who breast-fed your baby, or maybe you were a mom who fed your baby formula.

You are all moms, and you are all good moms.

Mom’s do what they think is best for their child. It is your job mom.

They are your babies mom. Be kind, listen, say you are sorry when you are wrong. Love your babies, even when they are old enough to drive. Love your babies no matter what.

Please let me tell you one more time.

You are a good mom.

I realize now I didn’t have to pay a therapist to tell me I am a good mom, all I had to do was call up a friend and talk to her. I have friends who are good listeners, friends who don’t play ping-pong when we talk. They would have told me, “You are a good mom.” For some reason, I thought a therapist’s opinion carried more weight. Because she had a degree in counseling, her validation was better.

Today, call up a friend, go and see her. Take her for coffee, or bring her coffee. Use both of your ears, listen to your friends cares and concerns. When she pauses, ask questions, please don’t jump in with your own story right away, “The same thing happened to me…”  You will have your turn to talk, but today, please listen, and then tell her, “You are a good mom.”

Hmmm. Who will I call today?

Do you ever wish someone would tell you, “You are a good mom?”  Please tell me in the comments. I would love to encourage you.

p.s. I meant to publish this sooner, but my daughter had a fever. We sat and read books all day, and I didn’t finish this until she felt better. 

p.s.s  And here is a little award for you. The “You are a good mom award.” Put it on your blog, or print it out and tape it to your fridge.